Sometimes, I just can’t figure Jade out. One minute, the girl is coming on to me. Okay, how stupid is that? When, over the past few weeks of her pretending to be my girlfriend so I don’t have to come out to my parents, did she miss the part where I’m gay? Gay. As in, I like boys, not girls. Gay, as in, me pushing her away when she tries to kiss me shouldn’t have been that big of a shocker.

Although, it was a shock for my dad to see it. How stupid can Jade be? Her getting to stay in our guest-house is only because my parents bought that we were madly in love and being separated from her could, like, make my new kidney explode or something. Does she really think it does her case any good for Dad to see us "not getting along?" What was she thinking??

At least I was able to cover with Dad and tell him the only reason I pushed Jade away was because he and Mom have that rule about us being together in the house. Still, it shouldn’t have even happened.

But, see, just when I figured Jade’s got to be losing it, she turns all Supergirl on us. Mom started feeling sick so Dad rushed her to the hospital, worried about the baby, and Jade stepped right up to take care of Faith and Natalie, like it was the most natural thing in the world. Like she really sincerely wanted to help and cared what happened to us.

I just don’t get that girl. What the hell does she want?

If Jade thinks she can get between my mom and dad about anything, well, she obviously hasn't been in Oakdale long enough.

Dusty Donovan couldn't do it. Angel Lange couldn't do it. Caleb Snyder, Derek Mason, Linc Lafferty, Sean Baxter, Colin Crowley, Keith Morrissy, Julie Wendell, Janice Maxwel, Julia Larrabee, my aunt Rose, my biological dad, Damian, even an actual operation that cut out the part of my dad's brain where he remembered Mom... even that couldn't keep them apart in the end.

I used to think Jade was pretty smart. At least she's good at thinking on her feet. First, she's my cousin, then she's not, then she's my girlfriend, then she's a librarian (yeah, I know, not what I would have expected either). She's quick, I'll give her that. But, in the end, anyone who thinks they can get between Holden and Lily Snyder, they're, frankly, kinda stupid...

I’ve been causing problems for my parents for a long time. For one thing, I was born on the kitchen floor of my Grandma Emma’s farm – probably not Mom’s first choice for a delivery site. And then my biological dad, Damian’s, mother, tried to poison and kill my mom so she could have me all to herself (yeah, I was pretty cute and yeah, she was pretty nuts). A couple of years later, Damian kidnapped me and faked my death to keep me safe from some family enemies. My dad, Holden, got tangled up in that as well. (And we all learned that my Grandmother Lucinda packs a mean pistol).

And then there was the whole thing with Julia Larabee, when Mom confessed to her murder because she was afraid I’d done it. And my getting drunk and lost in Mexico. My mom was willing to marry that jerk Keith to get me a healthy kidney for a transplant.

So how have I repaid my parents for all that they’ve done for me? Let’s see, I’ve worried them sick with my drinking, I’ve lied to them, and I’ve practically blackmailed them over this Jade thing.

Why is it, the harder I try to protect them, the more damage I spew? I would never ever do anything deliberately to hurt my family. So why does it feel like that’s all I’m doing these days?