Monday, May 15, 2006

It’s bad enough when you’re a little kid and you think you don’t need a jacket, but your parents tell you that you do so you have to put it on. Or when you’re sure that horror movie all your friends saw won’t scare you, but your parents think it will, so you can’t watch it. They tell you they’re doing it for your own good and that you’re too young to know what’s best for you or to make up your own mind. But I thought that kind of stuff would be done with by the time I got taller than they are.

Apparently not. Now that I’m too old to dress or keep out of R-rated movies, my mom doesn’t think I know my own mind about being gay.

Does she really think I would have come out to her and Dad if I was still flipping coins about it? Does she think it’s something I actually decided instead of just being something I know?

No one asks straight people, "So, are you sure you’re straight? When did you decide you were straight? Have you ever considered trying out the alternative to make sure you really are straight?"

You know how I’m sure that straight people don’t get asked any of that? Because - no matter how much my mom hated Jade, no matter how much she wanted us to break up and for me to hook up with someone else, never, not even once, did she ask me, "So, Luke, have you considered trying boys just to make sure you really know your own mind?"

The defense, as they say, rests.


Blogger Nic said...

Luciano, give her time...this was a HUGE thing you told your parents, you dad had the time to think it over and see how some of the things affected you, he had time to understand and accept it, you mom on the other did not. This was so new to her, she's confused and hurt - because in an important time in your life, for an important thing about YOU, you didn't go to the people that matter most, you parents. And to her, that hurts, so she's confused and she has alot of questions. Though I guarentee you that if you give her the time to come to terms with this and accept it everyone will be better off, don't threaten them if they don't accept you, it never works that way. Come on, take advice from a 14 year old who knows a great deal more than you might think, I do have a gay father and we've had many discussions.

As for people not questioning straight people, of course they don't, they are usually brought up their whole lives that being heterosexual is a perfectly normal and natural thing, while homosexuality there is a huge debate going on still today because somewhere along the lines of time people decided that for some reason homosexuals were lesser. People will question you, it's an inevitability. Just give it time, and take everything people say with a grain of salt.

There, I've said my piece.

9:25 AM  
Blogger Kimmy said...

arn' you supposed to be only 16? i mean, one year youger than Will is about all i'd understand which means you still can't see rated R movies, and I was thinking you were 15 until you apparently drove Jade to that concert a few months ago...

2:02 PM  
Blogger Dennis said...


It takes time. Why haven't you talked to your dad about PFLAG yet? Your mom might not be ready yet, but your dad certainly is and then he'd be able to help your mom more. You've had years to come to accept your self. You need to give your mom some time to adjust. Trust me, I've been there.

3:10 PM  
Blogger Mary Cherry said...

Blah, blah, blah, give-her-timecakes.

You pointed out how not-so-Li'l Lily wants to make this all about her so she can wallow in the bad hand motherhood dealt her. Far as I can see, this isn't about you at all and I think you get that.

Fortunately, you've got Holden on your side. Yeah, he's had time to deal with it, but if Little Lotta had bothered to take her head out of her...well, if she wasn't pulling a Helen Keller, she'd have seen what was right in front of her. I mean, Holden did and he's not exactly known for his wisdom and insight. If you need proof of that, look no further than this Jade fiasco.

So, what to do, what to do? Shake the dust off your shoes and go on. You're queer, you're here and she needs to get used to it.

But, hon, so do you. I know you want your mom's love and approval, but you've got to think about what all this means to you. After all, she can't see you if you can't see yourself.


5:03 PM  
Blogger Mark Spies said...

Luke, I'm sad to see that you still think of your self as "the defense". All your points are well-taken, and most are due to the obvious fact that your mother doesn't want you to be gay. But for benign reasons, in the same way she wouldn't want you to be sick or in an accident, or on crack (sorry, I couldn't resist the pun). What I mean is, she knows so little about it that it scares her and in her mind, what scres her will be bad for you.This is where you become the parent and she becomes the child. It now befalls you to educate her on what being gay really is, and especially, what it isn't. You may need help to do this, so again, I suggest PFLAG or a related group. Short of that, I think you should get others in your family involved. Start with Lucinda. First, you two have a special bond. Second, nothing scares her, so I'm sure she'll be okay with the gay thing, but more importantly, she can be a powerful ally in your battle against Lily's homophobia. Even your Mom can't outwill Lady Walsh. Good luck, my friend, and remember, it's not a question of whether your parents will accept you, it's just a question of when.

7:08 PM  
Blogger Mark Spies said...

And Mary, unless you're a hundred, you are wise beyond your years. I agree with your sage advice and observations, EXCEPT when you say Lily should've known. Are you saying YOU knew about Luke before the Kevin chapter? I pride myself on my gaydar and I must confess, I didn't see it!

7:14 PM  
Blogger Nic said...

I have to agree with you Mark. And Mary, she could have seen a little bit of the stuff Holden was seeing better, but also, she didn't see nearly as much, or she probably just saw the innocence of it know how mothers are.

9:17 PM  
Blogger Mary Cherry said...

Hi, Nic(which is cool to write because my BFF is named Nic)!

You know, I'm willing to cut Lily some slack because she's carrying the Devil's baby; but, she's been so removed from Luke's explorations into his own life lately it borders on abandonment.

Her response to Luke makes me think, hi, Lily, self-absorbed much?

On a lesser level, I think Holden senses this as well. I still get a little tingly when I think about how Holden told Big Lil to shut it right before the big reveal. Good times. Good times.

Now, Mark, hon, are you trying to suggest that I have supernatural powers of clairvoyance? LOL.

One more thing, Luke, quit playing the Runaway Card. Use it too often and your folks will be all, you want to runaway? Fine. Don't let the door hit you where the good lord split you.


11:15 PM  
Blogger Nic said...

Well Mary I'm willing to agree with you on some level...her response was a bit 'me me me'.

2:47 PM  
Blogger Mark Spies said...

You guys, Lily has always been about Lily. She's doing it right now: "You're gay? How's this going to affect ME?" That's no surprise coming from Princess Lil. Not that I don't like her; wait, I DON'T like her right now. Princess or not, she has a responsibility to her children, so she better get her head out of that place where the "good Lord split her" and start acting like a mother of 3 (or 4). Mary, I haven't heard that phrase since we watched Andy Griffith on our black & white TV. Have you been trading colloquialisms with Emma or something? And please explain why you keep calling it the Devil's Baby!

3:34 PM  
Blogger Mary Cherry said...

Mark, hon, I am a Southern Belle and grew up hearing such phrases all the time.

As for why Lily is having the Devil's baby, it's because Lil is only a couple of month's pregnant and all ready she's big as a barn.

I saw this movie one time where this woman was having the Devil's baby and you knew it was the Devil's baby because it was bigger than all the other babies.

Just get a load of Lily. When she finally throws that calf, it's going to come out walking and looking for its pitchfork.


5:01 PM  
Blogger Mark Spies said...

You kill me, Mary!

8:34 PM  

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