Thursday, March 23, 2006

Some people have normal grandmothers. They bake cookies, collect glass figurines, darn things... Heck, I even have one of those myself. My Grandma Emma, Dad's mother (she's also my biological great-grandmother on my mother's side. Don't ask. Just scroll a few posts down for a quick climb up the tangled Snyder family tree). And anyway, even Grandma Emma mixes up her cookie baking and her darning with wood chopping and tractor driving, so she's not exactly your typical Granny-type, either.

But then, there is my Grandmother Lucinda.

Lucinda Walsh does not bake. She does not darn or chop. Lucinda Walsh merges, acquires and consolidates. Lucinda Walsh does not suffer fools gladly. And she has even less patience for liars.

Which is why even though so far, for those who are keeping score, I've lied to my dad, my mom, my sisters and my best friend, when it came to lying to my Grandmother, I thought the jig was up.

Nobody looks Lucinda Walsh in the eye and lies to her. We're talking CEOs and Heads of State who've practically burst into tears trying to pull one over on her. If they couldn't do it, what chance did I have, you know?

I really thought it was all over. But then I caught a break. Lucinda didn't ask me if I was in love with Jade. She told me she didn't believe the story about me and Jade, but then she only asked me if I could look her in the eye and say that I was in love, period. And that's a pretty easy question to answer honestly. Even to Lucinda Walsh.


Blogger Nic said...


You have got to quit this lying...Jade is using you, and once she doesn't need you anymore the cat is out of the'd be better off telling them yourself.

And yes...on a technicality you didn't lie...but all this is going to come back to bite you in the butt.

Best wishes-

12:45 PM  
Blogger Lucy Montgomery said...


That's pretty remarkable, being able to pull one over on Grandmother. Goodness knows, I could never do it. Be careful, you know how our grandmother is. If anyone in your family is to figure your secret out first, it will be her. For that matter, if there's anyone you should be able to trust with your true feelings, it would be her. I'd adivse you to follow your heart and tell the truth. You and Jade can't keep up this charade forever, cuz.

Love always,

2:13 PM  
Blogger Mark Spies said...

Luke, you're really on a slippery slope here. Next you'll be saying something like, "Depends on what your definition of IS is." Aren't you getting sick of all this? I know I am. To tell you the truth, I hope Jade does betray you. I think it's the only way you'll learn what bad choices you've been making. I'd wish you good luck, but you've had enough of that already. Your parents had several occasions to discover the truth, and each time someone or something intervened. This whole thing is dragging out far too long. And what about your love (or lust) for Kevin? You seem to be so preoccupied with keeping up your cover that Kevin's become yesterday'snews.

6:57 PM  
Blogger h8ed boi said...

Aw, Luke's in love. Isn't that just the sweetest thing? It gives me warm fuzzies inside, just thinking about it.

What have I told you about lying, Luke, it's a bad habit. Like smoking, and not flushing the toilet. I thought you were going to stop all of that? Isn't that what you told Kevin before you hit Jade with your car - that lying to your parents made you "fell like dirt"? Well by now you'd probably make a really good fertilizer.

Love always,
your alias,
h8ed boi

7:00 PM  
Blogger Mary Cherry said...

You know what,hon, I think you need to can the crap.

Lucinda doesn't believe you. Not-So-Li'l Lily doesn't believe you and that dim bulb Holden is just lying to himself about believing you--because he doesn't.

Jade is taking you for a ride.

She all ready told you she'd rat you out in a second. You should just the get the goods on that frizzy-haired floozy and tell her to get to stepping.

The way things are going, the pair of you will end up being the next Will and Gwen! We don't need anymore of that.

You take care now and tell your grandma that with all her bucks she could afford an attractive human hair wig and quit wearing that unsightly turban.

7:50 PM  
Blogger Mark Spies said...

MEEOW, Mary, ouch with the wig comment!

8:22 PM  
Blogger Alison Stewart said...

I'm glad that you have been able to keep your secret for know, I'm sure you want to tell you family when you are good and ready, but Jade is not helping you at all.

And I know that you said that you know you are being played so it doesn't count, but for the life of me I can't understand it. So what if she tells them, why would they believe her, she has lied about so much already.

Please please be careful. I just don't want you to get hurt
Luv always

10:27 PM  
Blogger Bigbaboo said...

I Love this show, you guys are getting funnier by the minute.

2:04 AM  
Blogger Rose D'angelo said...

Uh, Luciano, reality check here. Your meeting with Lucinda didn't go exactly like you said. She asked if you were in love with Jade and you hedged, that's true. But when she told you to look her in the eye and say you were in love, you indeed looked her in the eye and said, ..."I'm head over heels in love with Jade." And with that, your nose should have grown about 16 inches. As your aunt, I've gotta tell ya I'm REALLY disappointed in you. I never knew you could lie with a "straight" face so well.

3:50 PM  
Blogger Mary Cherry said...

Hi, Mark!

I just figured someone like Lucinda wouldn't want to go around looking like a community theatre Norma Desmond.

4:05 PM  
Blogger Meg Snyder said...

Well I just knew that Jade was trouble, but this is criminal.

Holden may not be all excited to here the words "I'm gay" come out of your month, but I know he loves you and only wants the best for you. I'd say take away Jade's power and tell your parents the truth. I'd do it, but it is really your choice. If your not ready to tell your Mom or Dad, tell Lucinda and let her deal with that con artist.

Best of luck,
Aunt Meg

3:45 PM  
Blogger Starlee Banks said...

They always say "Honesty is the best policy". They also say "The truth hurts". Maybe that is why you are having such a hard time "coming out of the closet". But if you don't let the truth be known to your parents soon and tell Jade to get lost then any trust you have built with them will be gone. Your parents are good people. If you love them then trust in them and do the right (and truthful) thing.

7:54 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home