Wednesday, February 01, 2006

You'd think my parents would be pretty open-minded. You know that expression: Bob's your uncle? Well, in my case, my dad really is my mom's uncle!

It's one of those only in Oakdale stories but, basically, my mom is adopted, and when she first started dating my dad, she didn't know that her bio-mom was Dad's older sister. Dad found out first, and he freaked. But then it turned out okay because she was just his adopted older sister, meaning mom and dad weren't actually related. Which, you know, is good for them.

It also means that my Grandma Emma is also my Great-Grandma Emma, that my mom is also my cousin and that -- I actually figured this out once -- I am my own first cousin once removed.
I think about my mom and dad and their weird relationship a lot. I wonder what would have happened if they didn't get lucky and they really did turn out to be related. Would they have still gotten together? They were totally in love. Mom always talks about how all it took was seeing dad once, and she knew that he was different. That the way she felt about him was different than she'd ever felt about any other guy.

So what would she have done if he turned out to be her uncle for real? Would they have said to hell with it, who cares what other people think is wrong, this is the way we feel and we're going for it? I think about that a lot.


Blogger Piper said...

Hey, don't feel too bad about your parents. Incest and almost incest is the rage in your neighbor-town, Springfield! Alan-Michael Spaulding thought he was his now girlfriend, Marina Cooper's father, but it turned out that Marina was Frank's. And then you've got the couple that actually IS related, Jonathan Randall and Tammy Winlsow. They are half first cousins and don't really care what the rest of Springfield thinks!

3:36 PM  
Blogger OfficerPeterson said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

3:40 PM  
Blogger OfficerPeterson said...

Hey Luke, I wouldn't worry to much about your Dad, Holden, being your mom's uncle (though not blood). After all he isn't even your biological dad (so I don't think you're your own first cousin once removed). Your dad, as you know, is Damian Grimaldi. Now he might have trouble understanding you. He's kind of old world and probably wants lots of grandchildren.

3:45 PM  
Blogger Lucy Montgomery said...

Hey cuz! I wouldn't worry too much about Uncle Holden and Aunt Lily's relationship. They were meant to be. And I should know, I got a 1500 on my SAT! Sorry, I couldn't be with you during your surgery, but I kept you in my thoughts and prayers. Just be careful with the alcohol. I hope Grandmother can keep you straight! Take care of yourself and Grandmother, you need each other after what you've both been through. Just be yourself and be happy with who you are. That's the most important thing.

Love and miss you lots,

3:53 PM  
Blogger Fari said...

Hey Luke!

Has anybody ever said you think to much? LoL!

Now to be serious, I wouldn't worry, like Lucy already said, your parents (Lily/Holden) are meant to be.

They are the epitome of love.

4:03 PM  
Blogger Kevin Davis said...

Luke, you worry way too much. Our lives haven't been great, but wallowing never did any good. Now vodka on the other hand...

5:38 PM  
Blogger BennettMarco said...

Hey Lukester
You get me a date with your hot aunt Meg and I will get you a new liver (you are going to need it). I think that also should get your mom for a few months. I don't want to marry her, coz we all know she would just go back to your fake dad.

6:47 PM  
Blogger Mary Cherry said...

Luke, hon, you think you've got a messed up family? Check this out...

Not too long ago, my unknown, and consequently evil, twin sister showed up out of the blue. Her name is Baby Honey Child or B.Ho for short.

Anyway, she tried to take over my life! In fact, Mama Cherry took her in and put me up for adoption! While in the orphanage, I finally met my father. Shockingly, he was a female impersonator named Sweet Honey Child. Can you get over it? I'm part drag queen! Talk about a hard knock life.

But, things have worked out. B.Ho was killed in a drive-by. Now, I'm back at home and still trying to drive a wedge between Mama Cherry and her new husband, '70s TV icon, Erik Estrada.

Um, one question, hon. Can I call you Joe?

7:54 PM  
Blogger Hind said...

Dear Luke,

Speaking of your parents, do you think there is a change that your real dad will ever come back? Because personaly I love Damian and would be very happy to see your mother reunite with him.

Damian is HOT!!!

1:24 AM  
Blogger LukeSnyder said...

Hi, Everybody -

Thanks for the words of support, especially that part about me not being *technically* my own cousin.

I know that Holden Snyder isn't really my biological father but, see, not many people may know this because we kept it kind of secret in the family, but my bio dad, Damian Grimaldi, is in hiding. Turned out his own family wasn't much to write home about, either, and he had this wack job brother trying to kill him -- and me.

That's why Damian thought it would be better for Luciano Grimaldi to become plain old Luke Snyder. He thought it would keep me safe.

Though, to tell the truth, these days, I don't really feel like plain old anybody -- unless you count plain, old loser. I'm actually pretty glad Damian isn't around anymore. Just one less adult to disappoint and piss off, you know?

6:20 AM  
Blogger BennettMarco said...

Quit throwing yourself a pity party. Why don't you go for Casey? You would never know if he didnt like you because no one can understand his grumbling and mumbling. Seriously dude get me your aunts phone number if you can't get me Meg's then get me your aunt Sierras she is smoking hot too.

7:03 AM  
Blogger Lucy Montgomery said...

Hey, my mom's a great catch, but right now I think she has enough to deal with since my father is in prison and my grandmother is sick. Besides, she's visiting me here at school for a while, so you'll have to wait until she gets back in Oakdale!


7:08 AM  
Blogger C.B.D. said...

Luke, I was a confused teenager as well. My father found me with my boyfriend at boarding school and had him sent away. My life has been a mess ever since. You're lucky to have two loving parents who are together and want the best for you.

7:33 AM  
Blogger Hoba Gulll said...

Hey there Luke, Hang in there!

8:13 AM  
Blogger buddyboy said...

Hey, Luke...

Come on and hang out with me. I've got lots of time on my hands. I'm not working or going to school. I hear ya like backrubs. I'll give you a really good one.

I'm just not meant to be in a hetero relationship. Let's get together real soon.

We could hang out at your grandma's barn. Glad she rebuilt it. Remember that awful fire we were in?

Meet ya in the hayloft. ;)

9:18 AM  
Blogger Nic said...

Talk about confusing

3:46 PM  
Blogger Bianca Montgomery said...

My mother totally wigged out when she found out about Sara and me. We met at anorexia rehab. My mother doesn't take things well at all. The slightest little thing causes her to go all crazy like.

She really can't deal with family problems, but, oddly, she has no trouble yelling at bears.

Given the way most of our parents react to things, it's a wonder we ever make it through our teen years alive. Maybe that's why most of us go away to boarding school. LOL.

5:43 PM  
Blogger Bennett said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

8:57 PM  
Blogger MJ said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

6:16 AM  
Blogger MJ said...

Hey, don't worry about our wacko family tree. I've stopped trying to figure out who's connected to who through who a long time ago! I'm glad my sisters have their lives on track again. I knew they would eventually. But, I've heard my nephews are a whole other story. If you talked to Lily, she might be cool. Moms usually are. At least she knows you exist.

Keep hanging in there,

6:19 AM  
Blogger BennettMarco said...

Lucy get me a date with your mom and I will stop making fun of your football shaped head, deal?

7:19 AM  
Blogger Lucy Montgomery said...

I guess my mother could use some loving...LOL. I'll see what I can do.


8:54 AM  
Blogger Mary Cherry said...

Well, hon, I guess you should feel fortunate that your parents at least notice you.

All Mama Cherry wants to do is deny my existence and tell me how fat I am.

No matter what I do it's never enough to get any attention in the Cherry household. I mean, when I showed her my Notorious B.I.G. tattoo, she poured a sip of her Colt 45 malt liquor on the ground and said "here's one for my homies."

Take care, hon, and you stay away from that fried chicken.

9:33 AM  
Blogger Karen Walker said...

You know, that Kevin is a boy after my own heart.

Come on over to the manse sometime, Kevin, and we'll break open a bottle of Stoli.

10:05 AM  
Blogger Kevin Davis said...

Thanks Karen. You're one of my idols, really. I wish my parents were as cool as you.

I'm on my way over so have the Stoli ready. I need someone to talk to desperately.

7:18 AM  
Blogger Fari said...

@ Luke You know, you're right. Damian should stay away. But, please, get a little bit of a backbone, life may suck now, but if you wait long enough the sun will come shining through!

Hang in there LukeBoY!

11:59 AM  
Blogger Alison Stewart said...

Luke you should know that everyone in Oakdale has a messed up family. My sister is also technically my mother, which makes my mother my grandmother. Your family is not near that messed up. Not to mention that my mom/grandmother married a serial killer and my sister/mother had an affair with my fiance. I wish my family was a simple as yours. At least your mom isn't trying to get with Kevin.

12:31 PM  
Blogger Karen Walker said...

I'll have Rosario let you in, Kevin. You can even stay in Mason's room since I'm sending him back to fat camp.

By the way, do you like Bailey's on your cereal?

4:59 PM  

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